there is no resolution; only dissolution

 ghosts at night

I wake in fright

self imposition

of limited sight

stretched the gauze

implausibly thin

inviting harsh sunlight

starts streaming in

casts light on the dust

covering everything

a volcanic plume

of hate hurt and anger

ashes still falling

memories linger

thick fetid air

harsh choking and cloying

much like the ways

you were always employing

I breathed at your pleasure

I served at your leisure

speak only when spoken to

or don’t even bother

words swallowed whole

in this torpid miasma

stale turgid and rancid

you know the answer

pain and pleasure

unequal measure

weigh your heart against a feather

how heavy are the lies you carry

you duped a fool; intent to marry

just keep sweet, prey and obey

seen and not heard

and not seen all day

live in silence

loud as violence

don’t attract notice

stay out of eyeshot

don’t be a target

don’t be perceived

don’t have emotions

don’t ever dare leave

listen stone cold

to the daily accounting

of manifest failings

ways I’m the worst thing

in every story

on every page

I’m ever the villain

but you built the stage

forced me to dance

to an atonal tune

steps ever changing

always the wrong moves

tempo shift without warning

throws off my footing

pirouetting eggshells

gravitational skewing

try so very hard

to land on my feet

but they’re bound up together

I can’t make ends meet

being stretched far too thin

by competing demands

I may have four feet

but I’ve only two hands

try outrun my feelings

but i’m losing my grip

can’t hold all these truths

and they’re starting to slip

spill from my hands

like my guts through my fingers

your knife is a shadow

but the bleeding still lingers

paint the town red

all your martyred glory

stolen and borrowed

braided lies story

divided lands

no common wealth

take what you want

leave the rest on the shelf

I’m being colonised

by your disease

bacteria multiplies

immune system freeze

feeding me poison

deny my agency

tell everyone else

how you care for me

how you gave it all

how it wasn’t enough

how i’m just a vacuum

for your selfless love

I didn’t deserve you

you were better than this

the state of your lies

absolute bullshit

you made up your mind

you told everyone

except me of course

you needed me hung

suspended and waiting

on your every word

clinging to crumbs

dying to be heard

willing to do

whatever it took

to keep you from leaving

I stayed on that hook

I let it drain me

of all my life force

my goodwill and resources

all became yours

debased and debrided

from all that was me

I believed I was nothing

without your remedy

you were the cancer

infecting it all

defective cell lineage

metastatic soul

lord knows I’ve taken

more than my share of shit

put my name in your mouth

I dare you

see what happens bitch